This morning at 04:30 I got a tug by the old bill. I knew there was a car behind me, but they were pretty clever about it, unmarked dark grey focus ST, kept well back didn't twig till they accelerated to close the gap and the blue lights lit up the grill like a gay truckers convention.
Fair cop - I was pressing on a bit (a lot 40+ in a 30)
So out steps mois in my full gamesmaker regalia to greet the female plod
"good morning officer"
"good morning sir - do you know why we have stopped you?"
" yes indeed, the speed limit here is 30 mph, and I was doing about 40 mph" ( wise to admit I was speeding, but I wasnt going to hang myself) "My only excuse is that there is no-one else around at this time in the morning"
Stunned plod "well I am pleased you realise the situation sir, do you have your license"
Now this is crunch point, Do you or do you not admit you have your license on you? I have her on the back foot, so to keep her there:
"yes indeed- here it is officer"
Off she wanders to confer with her miserable scowling short assed male colleague
Much scribbling on pad by her and radio use
So! Today's quiz, what did she present me with?
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You sound pretty up-beat to me, so you've had no more than a verbal reprimand.
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they let you off with a cuddle and they congratulated you on your driving
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>> You sound pretty up-beat to me, so you've had no more than a verbal reprimand.
>>
" Please obey the speed limits. No more Olympic performances from you on the road! " " Oh and avoid any buses "
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A compliment for your public spiritedness and a certificate of permission to speed to your duties?
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A spare ticket for the Olympic event of your choice...
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She took you round the back of some bushes for a knee trembler?
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Gotta be an NIP. Despite your positive demeanour you were well over the 30 limit and those guys are probably pretty humorless at that time of their shift...
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You've been offered a naughty boys refresher course?
She pinned you across the bonnet while her male colleague gave you a seeing to?
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"Aren't you that idiot who crashed into a bus?"
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"Well sir, in view of the time of day, plus the fact that you are doing good work for the Olympics, we are going to let this incident pass on this occasion, please be careful in future. I hope you have a good day"
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A slug of malt whiskey from her catatonic colleague's battered hip flask.
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Verbal warning.
Possibly also the modern bulls excrement about a marker being put on the computer for this misdemeanour, so if you commit any further offences in the future the old can be considered along with the new. Which is complete hogwash.
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Bingo! Spot on word for word, only they have an official name for it and a leaflet.
The drive safe program
Now I spout on here about not getting caught, and I was. It was due to complacency.
Last edited by: Zero on Tue 31 Jul 12 at 11:57
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>> Bingo! Spot on word for word, only they have an official name for it and
>> a leaflet.
Yeah, but.
Yeah, but.
If you were replying to Westie, that's not fair, cos he is in the trade, or on the job or was until recently, or something.
I claim the £5 and a pint.
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>> If you were replying to Westie, that's not fair, cos he is in the trade,
>> or on the job or was until recently, or something.
Are you disqualifying me...something to do with being a dope?
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>> Are you disqualifying me..
Inside info.
Know what I mean?
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>> If you were replying to Westie
The arrow to the left of the subject header would indicate so.
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>> Now I spout on here about not getting caught, and I was. It was
>> due to complacency.
>>
Yes, but... you have to be remarkably aware to spot the Old Bill in an unmarked Focus ST, behind you, in the dark, especially if they are not wearing their reflective jackets in the car.
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>> the blue lights lit up the grill like a gay truckers convention.
I say, that's verging on politically incorrect - they like to be called lorry drivers!
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I think what's shocked me the most is that Zero has passed an 'attitude test'...;-)
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I am either a very good actor, or the plod are particularly gullible.
I would suggest you call me "luvvie"
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>> I am either a very good actor, or the plod are particularly gullible.
>>
>> I would suggest you call me "luvvie"
>>
Luvvie : you are as full of excrement as a toilet bucket in a hospital dealing with dysentery..:-)
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>> I think what's shocked me the most is that Zero has passed an 'attitude test'...;-)
>>
Perhaps his recent " meeting n greeting training" has sunk in just a little ?
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>>Perhaps his recent " meeting n greeting training" has sunk in just a little
Nah! - all he learnt there was how to say "Sod-off" in 202 different languages!
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there was a possible mention earlier on of a marker being placed on zero's car.
I am assuming its a marker that flags up on any ANPR camera indication 'please pull me over as I have nothing better to do in my life' type of thing.
Maybe westpig could comment, but how long do these markers stay on any car for ?
Do they automatically get removed when a vehicle is re-registered (new owner etc) ?
Can a 'registered keeper' request for these markers to be removed ?
and how does anyone know if they have a marker on their car (Id imagine constantly being pestered would give an indication) ?
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>>Possibly also the modern bulls excrement about a marker being put on the computer for this misdemeanour, so if you commit any further offences in the future the old can be considered along with the new. Which is complete hogwash. <<
Read the last sentence Diddy!
Pat
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...there was a possible mention earlier on of a marker being placed on zero's car...
My understanding from talking to people around here is a marker can be placed against a not convicted driver, thus a copper stopping the driver will know the driver has been stopped before.
I wonder if Zero's acceptance of a verbal reprimand/speed programme leaflet amounts to a police caution, which will certainly be recorded.
There's some stuff in the Protection of Freedoms Act - the one that crops up in the parking ticket threads - about the length of time police can keep information about people not convicted of an offence.
I don't know if it's relevant to stopped drivers or just to proper suspects who have been arrested but not charged.
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>> >>Perhaps his recent " meeting n greeting training" has sunk in just a little
>>
>> Nah! - all he learnt there was how to say "Sod-off" in 202 different languages!
I have taught the Americans here that its an old cockney morning friendly greeting. Stems from the days when peat cutters would cut their first sod of the day.
They lapped it up.
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>> They lapped it up.
You don't deserve any praise from me Zero and may not welcome it, but that is extremely funny (even if it's not true) and I've given you a green gong for it.
Last edited by: Armel Coussine on Tue 31 Jul 12 at 16:00
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>> I've given you a green gong for it.
I don't want to seem sycophantic like some geezer pulled for dangerous driving on the way into London in the small hours. There are only a dozen or so jokes and I've seen a variant of this one somewhere, also funny. Perhaps in a WW2 memoir.
The thing that made me laugh out loud was the thought of innocent young gringos, perhaps - oh joy! - Mormon missionaries closely related to the halfwit Mitt Romney, gaily shouting 'Sod off, mate!' to multi-racial gangs of sullen, heavily-armed teenagers in the East End. I can't think why it's so funny, but it is. Humour is brutal.
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>>"good morning officer"
I was pulled over (twice over a period of a few months) around Parliament square for a car search by the anti-terror cops (no doubt needing to up their quota of professional white men, so it was all very nicey nicey). Getting out of the car I said "good afternoon officer" and I received a sarcastic comment that it was an over-polite way of addressing him.
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>> I said "good afternoon officer" and I received a sarcastic comment that it was an over-polite way of addressing him.
Yes, that sounds a bit more like the Met. I'm surprised they didn't run Zero in for his oily approach. Perhaps they noticed his hair standing on end and general air of suppressed violence, and decided discretion was the better part of valour.
I always find a friendly 'Oink, oink!' or a hearty cry of 'Wotcher, porky!' identifies me immediately as a gent and keeps me out of trouble.
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>> Yes, that sounds a bit more like the Met. I'm surprised they didn't run Zero
>> in for his oily approach.
Possibly Surrey fuzz rather than the met?
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>> Possibly Surrey fuzz
or the 'poor man's Met'
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Damned if you do and damned if you don't then Mapmaker
maybe you'd get different treatment if you said 'me no English. illegal immigrant'
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Always safe just to give the verbal warning if you have any doubt over the evidence you have.
In this case, the Focus ST had to ACCELERATE to catch a Lancer Estate driven by an old guy in a white shellsuit????
Bet it was straight back to the nick for the Focus!!
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>> In this case, the Focus ST had to ACCELERATE to catch a Lancer Estate driven
>> by an old guy in a white shellsuit????
Purple and Poppy if you don't mind old boy.
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>> >> In this case, the Focus ST had to ACCELERATE to catch a Lancer Estate
>> driven
>> >> by an old guy in a white shellsuit????
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>> Purple and Poppy if you don't mind old boy.
>>
Shellsuit?
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we prefer the term, leisure wear?
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>> we prefer the term, leisure wear?
>>
You mean as worn by chavs on benefits?
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I thought Wenlock was silver and orange.
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In the olympics trade we call Wenlock "roadkill"
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Perhaps you could put us all out of our misery by uploading another (obscure) pic, as you did recently with jeans and tripod.
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I talked myself out of a speeding/careless driving rap (overtaking a Police car sticking rigidly to the speed limit) - he must have thought he was on an "accumulator" as he followed me onto the M4 before stopping - I was on an un L plated 250cc bike. But I had passed my test. Very nice traffic bloke....
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Over the last few days I have met/dealt with an awful lot of police officers, mostly at the secure search area for access to our sports venue. I try to be cooperatve as poss during the tedious car search process, and am trying to remember as many faces and names as possible so that, should I meet them again in a 'civilian' capacity I can try the 'Dont I know you from xxx?' line on them.
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The attitude test! - Clk Sec
