| Non-motoring > Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. | Auctions |
| Thread Author: No FM2R | Replies: 20 |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 08:40
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - No FM2R
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REST OF THE WORLD VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. THE END ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -- LABOUR GOVERNMENT THE UK VERSION The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing 'We shall overcome'. Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London . In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain 's apparent love of dogs. The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned, because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards. A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers' drug 'illness'. The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK . The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The government praises the asylum-seeking cats for enriching Britain 's multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats. The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a government minister. The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom . The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses. Their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds. THE END |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 09:05
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - WillDeBeest
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| As usual, the assumption goes unchallenged that the squirrel's comfortable situation is all the product of his own hard work and thrift, rather than allowing for a significant dose of luck in living through an extraordinarily nut-rich summer that has drained all the nutrients from the soil so can never be repeated, and in having been born a squirrel in the first place. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 09:29
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - No FM2R
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You worry me young Will, you really do. I reckon its prolonged and excessive exposure to Pimm's wots done it. You need to head over to Caversham and hang out with the louts for a bit of realism. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 10:11
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Alanovich
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>> You need to >> head over to Caversham and hang out with the louts for a bit of realism. >> Me and the Chaversham Masseev are great fun, but I'm sure there are some misguided souls on here who would question my grasp on reality. I'm with WDB in his interpretation of the squirrel/grasshopper tale. I think the self-made assume that if they've done it, well anyone can. This is not so. We simply don't all have the ability. I'm comfortable enough, but by gawd I'd like to be wealthier. However, there are 4 routes to wealth: inherit it, marry it, steal it, make it yourself. 1 ain't gonna happen, I cocked up 2 and 3 is a risk I'm not prepared to take, and I simply don't have the bottle/appetite for risk to go down route 4 either, hence plodding along as an unspectacularly salaried employee. So I am one step away from penury at all times, a sudden reduction in circumstances and we're on the street. I like living in a society which provides a safety net and I'm more than happy to contribute to the fund for that net whilst others draw from it. I might need it myself one day. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 10:41
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Old Navy
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| Mr Corbyns crony throwing a copy of the chairman's little red book at the chancellor was a bit of a foot shot. Didn't Mao kill a few million of his own people are torture hundreds of thousands also. I hope the loony left contingent don't have plans for us. :-) |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 11:00
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Focusless
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>> Mr Corbyns crony throwing a copy of the chairman's little red book at the chancellor >> was a bit of a foot shot. www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/politics-headlines/corbyn-more-of-a-pol-pot-guy-20151126104209 :) Last edited by: Focusless on Thu 26 Nov 15 at 11:00
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 10:48
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - commerdriver
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>> However, there are 4 routes to wealth: inherit it, marry it, steal it, make it >> yourself. >> There is a fifth route which is a mix of 1 and 4 which I would term the one step at a time route, which is the category I and many others probably fall in to. Looking back 3 or 4 generations I am where I am, not hugely wealthy but pretty content because of the last 4 generations of my family, including me. In my case, great grandfather was 1 of 11 children of an agricultural labourer in Moffat, he trained as a tailor & moved to Glasgow, my Grandfather worked on the railway & became an engine driver, my motherwent back to college after I started school & became a teacher, sent my sister & I to decent schools & university, I took my accountancy degree to a big IT company & am still there 28 years later. The big difference between the squirrels and the grasshoppers of this world (yes it's a generalisation and a bad one) is attitude & effort. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 11:19
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Alanovich
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I see what you're saying. My parents had the right attitude and applied the correct effort but had no educational qualifications (Dad managed to get expelled from a Grammar school aged 15 and blew his chance of an education) and only worked in factories/low paid office admin jobs, however one of them was born of disinterested council-house dwelling parents (granddad worked in engineering, but died in his 40s and grandma did secretarial work but they both chose to spend any money they had on fags and partying, they thought the world owed them a living, voted Labour and only ever aspired to having a cheap council house provided for them), and the other from hardworking but potless Londoners who could only ever afford to rent a home (granddad an office clerk, grandma did a manual job in a commercial laundry). My parents worked hard and set me on my way, Mum will have a small legacy to pass on (this was of course not helped by my Dad being killed aged 40) and my legacy to my children will hopefully be greater, although not life-changingly significant I shouldn't think (my wife's parents are potless having lost everything in the Yugoslav civil war, sanctions and hyperinflation). My family does come in to your category, but we're a few generations behind you. In summary, my family tried but were set back by two untimely deaths of main breadwinners at the peak of their working lives, my Dad and one grandfather. I still fear needing recourse to the national safety net, and still don't resent contributing even though I hope never to reclaim some of my money. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 11:30
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - CGNorwich
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"The big difference between the squirrels and the grasshoppers of this world (yes it's a generalisation and a bad one) is attitude & effort." Nor forgetting luck of course. Those who make it tot the top often forget that all those risk all type decision they made get there could easily have gone the other way. What's looked looked back on as a bold decision could equally well be seen as foolhardiness if things had gone wrong. For every success there are a dozen failures. Most people of course are neither squirrels or grasshoppers. They just get on with life as best they can. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 11:36
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Alanovich
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| Indeed, CGN. My point was that those who have made it to squirrel status seem to assume that everyone should have/should be able to achieve the same, and if they haven't well tough excrement. It is not so. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 11:49
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - commerdriver
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>> Indeed, CGN. My point was that those who have made it to squirrel status seem >> to assume that everyone should have/should be able to achieve the same, and if they >> haven't well tough excrement. It is not so. >> What is squirrel status anyway? There are squirrels at every "rung of the ladder". The key is that most people can be a squirrel of some sort but that many who are not have chosen to be "grasshoppers" or whatever rather than try to take charge of their own lives and do something about their own future. There should always be help for those who need it, but not much for those who choose not to help themselves, IMHO. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 12:31
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Manatee
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>> What is squirrel status anyway? >> >> There are squirrels at every "rung of the ladder". The right interpretation of the parable I think. Our family lived in a 2 up, 2 down from when I was born in 1953 until about 1960. Outside bog, tin bath in front of the fire job. I have no doubt we were poor but there was always money in the relevant compartment of the tin when the coalman came, or the gas bill, and for annual holidays. Dad was paid in cash, some was saved and the rest was physically put aside for food, bills, holidays etc. so when the time came the money was there. Similarly there are grasshoppers at every level. I do think there is unfairness, misfortune and inequality of opportunity, and catastrophe can wreck the best plans, but half the battle is being sensible with what you have. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 12:42
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Zero
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>> Our family lived in a 2 up, 2 down from when I was born in >> 1953 until about 1960. Outside bog, tin bath in front of the fire job. >> >> I have no doubt we were poor but there was always money in the relevant >> compartment of the tin when the coalman came, or the gas bill, and for annual >> holidays. Dad was paid in cash, some was saved and the rest was physically put >> aside for food, bills, holidays etc. so when the time came the money was there. Your circumstances were comfortable by the order of the day. In about the same time frame 54-58 I was living in a three room flat, (converted victorian terrace) with three families sharing a toilet and use of the tin bath, which lived hanging on the back wall. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 12:55
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - sooty123
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> Your circumstances were comfortable by the order of the day. In about the same time >> frame 54-58 I was living in a three room flat, (converted victorian terrace) with three >> families sharing a toilet and use of the tin bath, which lived hanging on the >> back wall. >> Did you have to lick road clean as well? ;-) |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 12:57
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Zero
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>> Did you have to lick road clean as well? >> >> ;-) Only blokes with northern accents do that. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 13:04
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Manatee
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>> Your circumstances were comfortable by the order of the day. I was boasting, it was more one and a half up and one and a half down - a living room and cellarhead kitchen (a sink) downstairs, upstairs a bedroom and a small attic under the eaves. I know it cost £300 and grandad helped with £50 deposit. But your point is stands - there was a lot of it about. Progress for us was from there to 7 years in a two bedroomed council house where I shared a bedroom with my brother, and then back to owner-occupation in a new 3 bed semi that my parents never moved from. My mother told me that the neighbours at that first house thought that she and dad were much better off than them, because they never had obvious money problems - but that was entirely down to thrift. Dad also earned extra money from scotching joinery for a builder friend (he was a patternmaker, a very skilled but low paid job and he could do anything with wood) and waitering in the local pub, in the days when you could ring a bell in the lounge and have your drinks brought. Definitely a squirrel. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 11:40
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - commerdriver
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>>Those who make it to the top often forget ....... >> Most people of course are neither squirrels or grasshoppers. They just get on with life >> as best they can. >> Also let's not forget most people do not make it to the top and indeed most people do not want to make it "to the top", there are disadvantages as well as advantages. There are always those who need help, through no fault of their own, there should ALWAYS be help and support available. There are, however, in my view, many who need help only because they will not make the effort to help themselves, at least to some extent these are the real "grasshoppers" of the original story. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 12:09
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - smokie
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So my reading of it was more like it was a parable, that not everyone helps themselves when and where they should (by putting something aside for the rainy days). I don't think squirrels were supposed to be Big Hitters, simply those who had shown a bit of foresight. The story went on with cats and stuff which was a bit Daily mail but nevertheless quite entertaining. Thanks for it! |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 13:05
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Cliff Pope
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>> Those who make it tot the top often forget that >> all those risk all type decision they made get there could easily have gone the >> other way. What's looked looked back on as a bold decision could equally well be >> seen as foolhardiness if things had gone wrong. That's quite a good analogy for squirrels. They are pretty sure-footed and take enormous risks, but quite often misjudge their leaps. I have seen a squirrel fail to make it from one branch to another and fall into the road straight in front of me. |
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 13:41
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Zero
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>> That's quite a good analogy for squirrels. They are pretty sure-footed and take enormous risks, >> but quite often misjudge their leaps. I have seen a squirrel fail to make it >> from one branch to another and fall into the road straight in front of me. Fifi MkII's second best day was when she chased a squirrel up a tree which promptly fell off into the canal, where she guarded the bank to try and ensure it drowned. She would have been in there to drown it personally but I stopped her. Her best day ever was when she proudly brought me the head of alfredo squirrel. Well the body actually, the head was in the undergrowth. Last edited by: Zero on Thu 26 Nov 15 at 13:41
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New Thu 26 Nov 15 12:28
Not to be taken too seriously, but amusing. - Zero
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>> You worry me young Will, you really do. >> you are worried by Will? You are the one that worries me Your xenophobic catist attitudes appal me. Will is not the only cloven hoofed beast with horns it seems. |
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