Thanks to the great god of corporate entertainment, I once found myself behind the wheel of a Hummer. It was the H1, the glacier melting, baby seal clubbing, road going version of the US Army HMMWV, star of “Desert Storm”.
An H1 up close is big and has that mean look of military machinery despite the regrettable lack of a machine gun. Up close, the rivets securing the aircraft grade aluminium to the chassis were obvious to see and fit and finish clearly had to be related to the intended purpose rather than the quoted $130.000 price tag for the road going version.
Into the cabin and, after tripping over the incredibly high and wide sill, there was a comfortable drivers’ seat with about a mile distance from the passenger seat. The steering wheel was a 3 spoke job, surprisingly small and looking like it came from a mid 70s Porsche 911 and just like in that vehicle, one’s knuckles are only about an inch from an array of archaic looking dials. Interior trim is restricted to plastic bits to cover the roughest edges of the metal bits and air conditioning, which is also not standard in the military version. Behind the steering wheel were a couple of puny looking stalks to operate indicators and wipers. The interior of one of these monsters offers cramped accomodation for 4 with a large luggage area for the luggage, or, for the more likely purchaser, the 10,000W gold plated subwoofer.
The ignition key is weedy and looks like it came from a Chevrolet Impala. The glow plugs take half an eternity to warm up and firing up the 6.6 litre V12 Turbodiesel feels like you've just unleashed the seven hounds of hell. Wow, it’s loud.
On the road it was totally out of its depth, was more or less flat out at 50mph and had drivetrain whine to rival a Mini. Actually the volume of noise was equivalent to about 100 Minis. Giving it full throttle from a standing start, the engine racket was deafening and together with the gear whine and wind noise led me to wonder why GM had bothered to fit the thing with a CD player. Even on American roads the width and vague steering made it daunting to drive, but fortunately other road users make a lot of space when they see one of these things bearing down on them. Pedestrians stopped and stared, but noone actually saluted.
Offroad in low range mode it was completely unstoppable. We demolished a large area of the Pennsylvania countryside in this thing, driving up implausibly steep hills and forging surprisingly deep ponds. A very enjoyable day in fact, belonging to what the Americans refer to as "Outdoor Sports".
|
Hummer brand to disappear? new
Hummer brand to disappear? new