I think Mrs SFD needs to test drive the BMW as well as the Golf R and S3, to see which she prefers - particularly as the BMW can also be had as a 2-series convertible.
If my 'fun car' - a 2010 125i convertible - is anything to go by, she'll find the BMW steering heavier than the VW or Audi, but may prefer it. But I don't think these come with X-drive even as new, so if she fancies a 4wd BMW it would have to be a 3-series.
Someone may come on here and suggest the SEAT Leon Cupra, but personally I think the feel-good factor of the Golf or A3 makes them worth the extra. I'd go with one of these but avoid the largest wheels and specify either adaptive or non-sports suspension.
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