>> Most people who commute to London do so in ordinary jobs for ordinary rates of
>> pay and have seen rail fares rise faster than pay over most of last decade....
Ordinary rates of pay are higher in London.
Here are the median rates of pay (I googled median as average/mean will be distorted by the small number of very high earners). www.cityam.com/where-can-you-earn-most-uk-pay-london-much-higher-any-other-part-uk/
But I agree it's complicated - I don't know whether someone working in the south east is better or worse off after housing and travel.
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