I was sat by the harbour enjoying an ice-cream when a Jihadist strolled past. I could see the bulges of the explosives under his clothes.
Suddenly he tripped and fell in the water. I rushed over and saw he was in trouble 'cos of the extra weight. I thought " I'm an English gentleman, I can't let him drown " So I contacted the police, fire and ambulance to help. Thinking further, I contacted the coastguard as well.
This was 11 am and no-one had arrived by 4.30pm !
I have the feeling that I've wasted the price of four second class stamps !