These aren't all good, but one or two are. I was sent them all at once and post them for what they're worth.
>
> Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. Bob suggests they go in.
>
> Bob asks to speak to the pharmacist. He explains they’re about to get married, and asks, "Do you sell heart medication?"
>
> "Of course we do," the pharmacist replies.
>
> "Medicine for rheumatism?"
>
> "Definitely," he says.
>
> "How about Viagra?"
>
> "Of course."
>
> "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
>
> "Yes, the works."
>
> "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids?"
>
> "Absolutely."
>
> "Do you sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
>
> "All speeds and sizes."
>
> "Good," Bob says to the pharmacist. "We’d like to register for our wedding gifts here, please."
>
>
>
> old couple
>
> A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
> Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
>
> 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
> 'Sure..'
> 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
> 'No, I can remember it..'
> 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
> He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
> 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
> Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
>
> Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?'
>
>
> Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:
>
> BFF: Best Friend Fainted
> BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
> CBM: Covered by Medicare
> FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
> LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
> GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
>
>
> An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
> The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great, I would recommend it very highly.'
> The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
> The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
> You know, he one that's red and has thorns.'
> 'Do you mean a rose?'
> 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
>
> old couple
>
>
> An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. "Mr. Smith, you’re in great shape," says the doctor afterward. "How do you do it?"
> "Well," says Mr. Smith, "I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and the good Lord looks out for me. For weeks now, every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns the light on for me."
>
> Concerned, the doctor finds Mrs. Smith in the waiting room and tells her what her husband said.
> "I don’t think that’s anything to worry about," she says. "And on the bright side, it does explain who’s been peeing in the fridge."
>
>
> A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> 'So I hear you're getting married?'
> 'Yep!'
> 'Do I know her?'
> 'Nope!'
> 'This woman, is she good looking?'
> 'Not really.'
> 'Is she a good cook?'
> 'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
> 'Does she have lots of money?'
> 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
> 'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
> 'I don't know.'
> 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
> 'Because she can still drive!'
>
>
>
> Three old guys are out walking.
> First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
> Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
> Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer!'
>
>
>
>
> Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
> A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
> Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
> The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
>
>
> And just one more. . .
>
>
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
> The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
> 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
>
>
> Now, before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh!!
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