I went to the quack's the other day for an appointment. There was a sign saying "Stand here and wait to be called" about 2.5 metres from the receptionist who was behind a plastic screen.
Eventually she looked up and with a frosty stare said "Yes?" so I stepped forward. Immediately she recoiled and shouted "No stay there!".
So, mask on, I retreated and said in a very loud voice so as to be heard properly "I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT FOR A BLOOD TEST". The half dozen people waiting all jumped and looked at each other.
In the way you realise afterwards, when it's too late, that there was a much better riposte and while I was having the blood drawn I imagined myself saying in my best and loudest announcer's voice "I HAVE A GIGANTIC BOIL ON MY BOTTOM AND MY PLONKER HAS DROPPED OFF".
It's always the same at this particular surgery, the receptionists seem seriously put out at having to deal with patients. The village surgery where I try to get the appointments if I can couldn't be more friendly. Maybe I've come to expect hostility at the big surgery and consequently wear the wrong expression when I go in.
I then went to collect my prescription. The drill for this currently is to stand outside, ring a bell and talk to somebody on an intercom. Then they tell you to go round the back and stand next to a window. Some time later the top of the window opens and a hand appears holding the bag of tablets for you to grab.
While all this was going on, a charming old lady of about 95 and about 4'6" tall fell over a few feet away. I made my excuses and ran over to see if I could help. Eventually, with a couple more people and a doctor, the frosty receptionist came out and seemed surprised to find the 67 year old yobbo (me) she had been humiliating holding the old lady's head up off the wet road.
Infamy, infamy...
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