Must admit my previous solid black Audi had lacquer so the surface scratching was less of a problem (I believe VAG now lacquer solid red too). However, the method I employed was:
Usually wash with plenty of water, a clean car sponge and a reputable shampoo containing wax. then rinse (again with plenty of water) and dry off with a good quality synthetic chamois.
For a treat I'd wax it with a high quality wax once in a while - this will 'fill' those scratches you describe.
I never (ever) use car washes with their brillo-pad rollers etc...
I agree, the ice-rink look isn't good.
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