I've read this thread with a rapidly-growing lump in my throat. Many of you have had to cope with quantities of stress and adversity entirely outside of my experience as a dad. I had a few of life's custard pies when I was a youth when my own parents divorced untidily and remarried but that's a long long time in the past.
In a 30-year marriage we have had 2 daughters and 2 sons. Leaving aside the daughters I believe I've done all the normal dad stuff with the elder who is now 21 and still living at home, and am following a similar pattern with the younger at 13. Despite his questionable taste in cars ('97 Fiesta Ghia) the elder is holding down a junior job at the local garden centre, has been ditched by his binge-drinking girlfriend and is looking for a place to rent with a mate.
Younger is musically gifted but I can't share any of that with him. However we did make a trebuchet together as part of a school project. He found a computer simulator to help with the design and I made a kit of parts for him to assemble. Of course it was the best effort in class! We have just taken 2 kittens into the household which are allegedly his responsibility.
some fatherhood upsides;
Having someone to help who knows what you are on about when you say "lift towards me" or similar.
Teaching him how to pick up a cat.
Going on a bike ride with a picnic.
Parent's evening if he's bright.
Bouncing on the trampoline together.
Going on a bike ride to a local pub.
Having someone to mow the lawn properly while you are on holiday.
Having someone who can valet Mrs H's car so she notices.
Going for a swim together.
Having someone who knows how to make a proper "trucker's breakfast" for you on his day off, you are working late and his mum is at work without preaching about fat, calories and cholesterol.
Getting Youtube video links from him that make you both laugh, or weep or feel outraged.
Watching F1 or MotoGP and rooting for the same driver/rider.
Watching a film together and discussing same over a beer.
Building/making stuff together.
Teaching him how to saw a piece of wood in a straight line.
Being offered a beer from his personal stash.
Meeting his employer who talks about him in golden terms.
Karting together and knowing that your skill is making up for his lack of weight. Almost.
some fatherhood downsides;
Changing nappies.
Feeling responsible for undone homework.
Feeling responsible for badly-done homework.
Parent's evening as a result of the foregoing.
Worrying about where he is and who he is with.
Clearing up cat poo which he should be doing.
Ringing his mobile (Mrs H's speciality) at 2am and hearing it on the sofa under a cushion.
Finding son weeping on the floor because he can't do his college work which is due to be handed in in 10 hours.
Listening to son trying not to weep as he tells you from 150 miles away that Uni is not for him and he needs picking up at the weekend and it's your fault for making him leave home when he wasn't ready.
Looking forward to meeting the girlfriend only to find out she is a tubby drunken scally.
Having to bail him out when he's botched or broken part of his horrible car.
Having to fix his bike when he needs it for his paper round at dawn tomorrow and he's merrily playing on his X-Box.
Having someone who uses your tools and doesn't return them.
Missing your favourite spanners because he's lent them to a mate.
Stu, good luck to you.
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